Science

its 4 in the morning and i am unable to sleep....i've been up almost 24 hours now. i'm tired, depressed, and wide awake. i feel like i'm getting nowhere. like a hamster in a fucking wheel i try so fucking hard but i get nowhere...i hated my jobs and but miss them. i hated standing around for hours on end talking to asshole who wasted my time only for me to get bitched at casue they didn't buy shit...but i miss the people i did it with. 

i turned 20 last week....i invited over 60 people...2 showed...and i enjoyed the time they where there....but it just showed me how little i can depend on people and who even cares that i exist. i've felt so depressed and alone since then....since then the only thing i can thing of is august, to hopefully get the reassurance that someone else cares about me. i know she cares me and i she knows i know. 

life has a funny way to letting me know things are going to get easy like i plan them...i feel like as soon as i begin to get somewhere something happens to put me back where i was like..like moving out....i was gonna be out 100% last sunday....but plans changed.

the ticking tocking on my watch is the reminder that i only have so much time to do what needs to be done. like so many americans i wear i watch...but don't use it tell me what the current time is...i use it to tell me time is passing my watch currently reads 1:05, whichs tells me nothing beside the fact that time is moving and i have no control over it....yea i could set my watch the to current time and give me the mental illusion that that i am the one in control of time but i know i am not. so i leave it