In Pursuit of Happyness

My Name is Ron'Sa, according to the federal system I am 20 year old African American Male, with no criminal record to speak of. I am tagged as being born in just outside of Chicago with a current residence in Northern Las Vegas. These facts alone seem to make it impossible for me to find a job. I have spent the last few months looking for a way to make an income that would allow me to live comfortably. But alas this is near impossible. While on my job hunt I have come across several jobs that would allow me to do so, but after reading the fine print they all had two things in common. The need for 500 upfront to pay for my training that would bring me within a year if all goes well an income of over 200,000 a year thru residual income. I've known two people who did this and both said they within a month of doing this that they regretted doing so. It almost a if i am unhireable for so many reason they seem discriminatory. I've been told "We'd love to hire you. You have the experience and skills that we are currently looking for but" which would be finished out with on of the following
-"You're currently not old enough for the position we're filing"
-"We're seeking someone with more life experience for this position"
-"We're unable to match your salary needs at the current point in time"
-"We need someone who can commit more time to the company"
-"You're management material and we're currently not hiring in that area"

I've also been told I was over experienced for the position or that it was a position that they would prefer a female employee to fill. 

I have skills that most people would drool over if they saw on a resume but for some reason when my name is attached to it they become undesirable and tainted. 

I have come to several conclusions as to why this is so but even when I change the name boldly printed at the top of that crisp paper in my hopeful future employers hands they all become admissible.

I would have to admit that the most trivial thing about this hunt of mine is when i do find a job, and I begin the application process only to find that forty wasted minutes down the line i was not old enough. Yet in still when my age in entered in the date of birth field I am allowed to continue, yet once i see the magic question of "Are you 21 years of Age" I know my submission has become futile. 

In my search for employment and a possible career i have come to detest this city with a fervor. There is almost nothing here for me. And it has been proven at long last. But i am unable to go back to from where once i came. I must plot my next course and continue my voyage of finding the place where i would be able to assimilate with out contention. Since moving to this desolate city almost nothing good has come from it. I have been plagued with medical issues, and now this financial burden plagues me here. I have been rendered inept in my own personal Pursuit of Happyness

8 Bars

8 bars is all it takes for memories to flood back into the mind. things you forgot and hid in the back of your mind never to remember. but 8 bars brings it back to the front, full detail, vivid memories. I need no time machine to travel back in time i just need those 8 simples bars to take me back to that place from long ago.

Science

its 4 in the morning and i am unable to sleep....i've been up almost 24 hours now. i'm tired, depressed, and wide awake. i feel like i'm getting nowhere. like a hamster in a fucking wheel i try so fucking hard but i get nowhere...i hated my jobs and but miss them. i hated standing around for hours on end talking to asshole who wasted my time only for me to get bitched at casue they didn't buy shit...but i miss the people i did it with. 

i turned 20 last week....i invited over 60 people...2 showed...and i enjoyed the time they where there....but it just showed me how little i can depend on people and who even cares that i exist. i've felt so depressed and alone since then....since then the only thing i can thing of is august, to hopefully get the reassurance that someone else cares about me. i know she cares me and i she knows i know. 

life has a funny way to letting me know things are going to get easy like i plan them...i feel like as soon as i begin to get somewhere something happens to put me back where i was like..like moving out....i was gonna be out 100% last sunday....but plans changed.

the ticking tocking on my watch is the reminder that i only have so much time to do what needs to be done. like so many americans i wear i watch...but don't use it tell me what the current time is...i use it to tell me time is passing my watch currently reads 1:05, whichs tells me nothing beside the fact that time is moving and i have no control over it....yea i could set my watch the to current time and give me the mental illusion that that i am the one in control of time but i know i am not. so i leave it

I wanna

scream so loud that deaf people will hear. I'm so fustrated with the state of the country. we live in a country where 13% of us are on unemployment. THIRTEEN FUCKING PERCENT!!! out country has gotten to a point where if things dont turn around within 8 year we could be a second world or even a 3rd world country. Gas is about to hit 4 dollars a gallon by the middle of next month. and there is shit we can do about. yea i can buy a fucking dodge and get gas a t 2.99 a year for 3 years...only problem is dodges aren't worth shit and the ones that do hold some value don't have the gas program. 

Mr. Bush has truly fucked over our country for something he foresaw as great personal gain for him and the country. and it would of been if we could of taken it over and had their oil within a year. We are spending close to 100million dollars a month on this POINTLESS FUCKING WAR!!! 

Hugo Chavez is the only person who can do anything about the price of gas here in the country. But Bush has too much pride to talk to him and buy oil from him in South America. I guess mr. bush would rather steal oil from across the world then buy it from "Dirty boarder hoping mexicans who steal american jobs" NO!!!! They don't steal American jobs. WE SOLD AMERICAN JOBS!! we have fucked ourselves over in the long run of things. There is no more made in America. There are no more production plants within our country for our cars. Toyota, Subaru, and Benz make more cars in our country then we do in ours. The majority of the cars that are Made in America (FORD, GM, CHEVY) are HECHO EN MEXICO.

So now me and the other 13% of the country are fighting for jobs that high school students normally work. With us working those jobs the students have no jobs to make money with. and because so many of us who are overquailfed for these jobs are working them we are unable to find the jobs that we really want, because the places we use to work don't have enought business to make ends met. and when ends dont met in the corp. world the start chopping at the high end and the low end of the pole. If you make too much your gone. if you haven't been there long enough your gone. 

The Babyboomer generation is telling us its easy to find a job. When was they last time they looked. most of them have been at the current job for over 10 years. yea 10 years ago you could get a job...hell 5 years ago you could get a job. i remember i got offers but i wasn't old enough. now i cant find a job that'll make my ends meet.

Alas for once i can truly say that my problems have been created by another source other then myself. for you can't sell something when your customer can't afford it. and your customer can't buy it, you've got no business and its time to start making cuts.

on a last note. To the Gradutating Class of 2008. don't move out, stay at home untill you can move out and you have the money saved away to pay bills 3 months in advance. yea it'd be awesome to be 18 and living away from home but now a days without the support of mom and dad it almost impossible

So Creative

the ideas run thru my mind faster then my eyes can seem them. i an unable to verblize the things i see that my hands can write them. My hands are unable to express the things the mind sees and i return to square one. Running around in a constant search to take the ideas i see and not understand for they are beyond language. but if i can see it enough times i see that it lacks language and therefore cannot be put into any written language. but i am able to repeat and loop these things so that i can draw that out or attempt to give them a language. Language is something that is understood my all, one, some, or none. it all in the intent of how the language was used. the language you've just read was my attempt to capture an image that runs thru my mind looping over and over waiting for me to capture it. and i have. and now it has been filled without ever showing the world what the image was. 

Language is sometimes only understood by ONE.